I hate you

I hate you more than I have ever hated another soul. More than I hated my mother for abandoning me. More than I hated the guy that molested me. More than I hated CPS. More than I hated my son's father. More than I hated my ex-husband.  More than I hated his girlfriend. More than I hated his new wife. More than I ever hated anyone before now. More than all of them put together. You make me sick. Physically. It's disgusting.  I didn't know I was even capable of this much hate. I don't understand how I can hate you so much and still love you.  I still love you. I wish I could stop.

Maybe the only reason I can hate this much is because I love you so much. It doesn't make sense to me. I don't want to love you. You stole my baby from me. My last chance to raise a daughter. My mini-me. You saw all the pain I went through and still go through because I lost my second daughter. You swore you would never do this to me. You are a liar. But that's not even why I hate you. I hate you for doing this to our daughter, I hate you for doing this to my son. I hate you because they don't deserve this. You are selfish and you are a terrible father for doing this. My children deserve so much better than you. I hate you. I will never forgive you.