Leashed

Woke up still angry this morning. It's not fair and I know that. I didnt let it out last night. I held my tongue and my temper. That's what I'm supposed to do, right? But if that's the case then why do I feel like shit today? We talked, just A and I. Talking is supposed to make things better. But I still feel the lion leashed in my chest, muzzled and unable to roar freely. Talking made nothing better,  it only created more hostility from E. I heard how she really feels. It's not about me. She never said she hates me. She didn't say that. I feel it though. And maybe - probably - I'm doing that thing I do. I give no benefit of the doubt & I always assume the worst. It's not fair, Rob told me so many times. I shouldn't do this. I shouldn't feel this way.  I do. I'm angry and defensive and I can't stop. I can't stop feeling this all. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it all. So what if I'm just a bunch of fucking drama. So what. If she wants less drama I will just keep it and myself away. This relationship was always supposed to be separate from the rest of my life anyway. I wanted to be closer. That was stupid. It wasn't the plan. I broke the rules, that's why this is happening. It's always my fault, I already knew that.